Understand this and you can start healing

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 When they were children they had a terrible mother, one that crippled them forever. One that never allowed their inner child to grow and become an adult.  For the rest of their lives, their compulsion drives them to find a new good mother and try to finish the process that their bad mother did not allow.

So, they find you, idealize you and get you to become their mother and give them the unconditional love that they never had, and once you are there, in a crazy twist of irony, they make you a bad mother (devaluation) and try to re-create the separation process (discard). The charade runs endlessly until you stop it because unfortunately the damage cannot be undone.

You have been just a character in this show, and they will find quickly a substitution. They never loved you and they never will. ALL WAS A FANTASY

 Remember all this nice positive experiences and moments that you had. ALL will be erased from their memory or re-interpreted to attach them to some dark motive from your side. Narcissists have black and white thinking. You are all good and, in a pedestal, or all bad and hated.

P.e. you gave them a present to pretend you cared for them and to manipulate them… You loaned them money to have power on them…. Think the worst interpretations possible and that will be it.

They will firmly believed that you tricked them and used them.

You better get used to it and fast. They created the person you wanted to see just to recruit you into their fantasy. Once recruited, they dropped the character because was not them, it was too much work, and they were upset with you because you fell for the fake one and not them…..incredible but true. All was a representation.

You cleaned, cooked, gave them sex, money……you never mattered, only the comforts and how well they fill about themselves knowing they had a servant under their control.

You will be replaced for a new person before you could clean your home.

You never mattered, they never loved you, you were just a service. They will find easily a new person to continue the mission of finding mami…. It’s up to you to deal with the million pieces of your broken heart.

They are an empty shell, filled with shame and insecurities. Their armour is their arrogance and feeling of power.

All your relation was about them feeling powerful, either because you admired them in the beginning or because they had power and control over you at the end. They even fell powerfull when you were suffering and crying, because this was a clear effect of their power sickness. They never cared about your feelings because for them you don't even exist!

I was constantly accused of cheating and spent a lot of energy re-assuring this was not the case. Only later I found she had another phone that activated every time i left for some hours and she was the one disappearing from home ,sometimes for days, with different excuses. Narcissist use PROJECTION, that basically makes them attach to you all the wrong things they do. So, if you were accused of doing things randomly, probably was things they did to you.

Even though they are highly manipulative, narcissists are ultimately short-term thinkers.

• They are wired for chaos, not longevity.
• Their ego forces them to ruin everything rather than face their own weaknesses.
• They keep repeating the same pattern because they are slaves to their own impulses.

This is why their relationships always fail—they don't actually want a long-term win. They just want endless control, power, and excitement, and when it fades, they move on to the next target.

They may be strategic manipulators, but their own psychology is their downfall.

I believe this video is a good start into the subject of healing Prof. SAM VAKNIN